My Mom shared this with me and it is very special. I think it is beautiful and is a great introduction to my blog so I decided to share it with you. Grab the box of Kleenex ladies and Enjoy!
A Conversation Between Friends
We are sitting at lunch when my friend casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of starting a family. “We’re taking a survey,” she says, half- joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?” “It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral. “I know,” she says, “no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations….” But that is not what I meant at all. I look at my friend, trying to decide what to tell her. I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes. I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing will heal, but that becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable. I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking “What if that had been MY child?” That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her. That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse that watching your child die. I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a souffle or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation. I feel I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood. She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going to an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. She will have to use every ounce of her discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right. I want my friend to know that everyday decisions will no longer be routine. That a five-year-old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a major dilemma. That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom. However decisive she may be at the office, she will second- guess herself constantly as a mother. Looking at my attractive friend, I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself. That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child. That she would give it up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years- not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs. I want her to know that a cesarean scar or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor. My friend’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks. I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child. I think she should know that she will fall in love with him again for reasons she would now find very unromantic. I wish my friend could sense the bond she will feel with women though out history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving. I hope she will understand why I can think rationally about most issues, but become temporarily insane when I discuss the threat of nuclear war to my children’s future. I want to describe to my friend the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike. I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time. I want her to taste the joy that is so real, it actually hurts. My friend’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes. “You’ll never regret it,” I finally say. Then I reached across the table, squeezed my friend’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all of the mere mortal women who stumble same their way into this most wonderful of callings. The blessed gift of God and that of being a Mother.
So, Today I am going to use this blog for what it is supposed to be used for—to share some of my personal feelings and thoughts with the world. Motherhood is having an effect on who I am and who I will become. As I juggle with issues concerning what are the best ways to handle things concerning my child, I realize how many decisions there are to be made and I struggle (like most parents) with what those decisions should be. What to name my girl, whether to breastfeed her, which day care she will attend, what to teach her about dealing with others and how to be a strong, confident, self sufficient individual, etc., etc. All of these are decisions that every parent struggles with making, as if what color paint to have in the nursery, what kind of stroller would work best for you, and well duh, just being pregnant in general isn’t enough on a mother’s plate! Let’s face the facts, it all comes down to what is the most comfortable for you and your child as to how these decisions are made. And after preparing for, carrying, and “pushing out a baby,” I think you have earned the right!” There is no one way to do everything concerning parenthood. We just have to do our best with what we have and have faith we are doing just that! I’m sure that all parents doubt.
Coming to this realization, I also realized that parenthood for me is like the spring. It is like a bud that is just about to bloom. Something new is getting ready to erupt. I must take on my new self as another person’s parent and make the most of it RIGHT NOW!!! I must enjoy it along the way and try to make the most of this because this truly is “a once in a lifetime” experience for all of us that go down the path to parenthood. I welcome the challenges. I look forward to every single second with my child when I am not forced to do laundry, work, cook, or clean. I look forward to making the most of every little bit of time with her—reading to her, feeding her, bathing her, cuddling with her, and even changing her diapers! I LOOK FORWARD TO HER BEING MY LIFE. I think pregnancy gets you ready for this because you can’t help thinking about your baby all the time since she is part of you and affects every thing you do and every way you feel for about 10 months. I also realize that for the first time in my life, I need to make decisions ultimately on my own based on what I feel is best for my baby. Even though this is obviously the biggest responsibility Chad and I will ever face, I think we are up for the challenge. I know we are prepared these decisions and responsibilities together. This is the first time in our lives we get to do things the way we want to do them. Now maybe all of you who have been down this path have forgotten this feeling that I talk about. Or maybe you took it with more of a grain of salt and I’m sure everything just worked out fine too. But for me, it is my world, my existence, and the most important thing I feel day to day—-literally as I feel her turn and move around inside my belly. It is the “most real” thing I’ve ever done before. It is the most alive I’ve ever felt. It is the most important thing I’ve done in my life up until this point. So I have to ask you, do you remember how this journey made you feel? Or do you wonder how it will be for you if you haven’t yet had this wonderful opportunity just yet?
